yesterday was rather strange. i cried a bit, i laughed a lot. i still don’t know why, but i felt kind of useless – worse, i felt kind of my help wasn’t really welcome. like. now that i’m putting this black on why it does sound silly but. it just kind of threw my off.
i can’t stop thinking about the time that’s running away. not in a deep or philosophical way, just “look at how much time i’m missing with granmpa and look at all the exams you didn’t study for and look at all the experience you still need to make in love and work” kind of way.
i just feel kind of behind.
also, my mails weren’t answered, so no stage at that radio i was hoping for, no stage in that historic museum i was dreaming of and no answer from my prof, a person i kind of miss. a lot.
i don’t want to mope too much, though, i wan’t to find a person and at the same time i don’t – because i want to get my had out of my ass but at the same time i don’t want to run from my problems thinking about another’s-, my mind kinds of betrays me and i seriously need to. stop. thinking. and. start. studying. and c r e a t i n g.
so, yeah. i’m going to call it a good moping session and i’ll reboot my system and today I’ll Do Things. At least i’ll try…